Tagged: Parody

South Park’s “Gnomes” and “DirecTV”

Cartman: So what are you gonna do with all these “Extra Innings” games that you divert to DirecTV?

Gnome: Diverting “Extra Innings” games is just phase 1. Phase 1: divert “Extra Innings” games.

Kyle: Sooo, what’s phase 2?

Gnome: [has no response. Looks around, then calls out to the other gnomes on the “Extra Innings”games mound] Hey, what’s phase 2?

Gnome 2: Phase 1: we divert “Extra Innings” games.

Gnome: Yeah yeah yeah, but. What about phase 2?

Gnome 2: [says nothing, then] Well, phase 3 is profit. Get it?

Stan: I don’t get it.

Gnome 2: [walks up to a large chart] You see,
Phase 1: Divert “Extra Innings” games. Phase 2: … Phase 3: Profit.

Cartman: Oh, I get it.

Stan: No you don’t, fatass!

Kyle: Do you guys know anything about monopolies, anti-trust exemptions and exclusive broadcast rights contracts?

Gnome: You bet we do!

Gnome 2: Us gnomes are geniuses at monopolies, anti-trust exemptions and exclusive broadcast rights contracts.

Gnomes: [three of them move a cart of diverted Extra Innings games up a track]
Time to go to work, work all night
Se-

Center Gnome: [the cart falls off the track and on down] Jesus Christ, look out! [the cart lands on a fan who used to watch Extra Innings on their cable system]

Stan: Oh my God, they killed a die-hard baseball fan.
Kyle: You ********. Listen, we have to give a huge speech tomorrow about monopolies, anti-trust exemptions and exclusive broadcast rights contracts.

Gnome: Holy sh*t! We’ve killed a die-hard baseball fan.

Stan: Yeahyeahyeah. Look. We’ve gotta know about monopolies, anti-trust exemptions and exclusive broadcast rights contracts by tomorrow or we’re screwed.

Gnome 2: Chr*st, we squished that fan like a bug.

Stan: Do you know anything about monopolies, anti-trust exemptions and exclusive broadcast rights contracts?

Gnome: Well, we can explain that to you easily.

Gnome 2: Yes, for a price.

Kyle: What?
Gnome: You know.

Stan: Forking over my money to buy a DirecTV satellite so I can continue to watch Extra Innings on a regular TV?

Gnomes: DirecTV!

[In front of Cable company headquarters, daytime. Prop. 10 supporters are out in force]

Lady Member: All right. And now, before we all vote yes on Prop. 10, here to remind us why are the lovable, innocent children.

Stan: Uh. Since we are so concerned with the monopolies, anti-trust exemptions and exclusive broadcast rights contracts, we went and asked our friends, the Extra Innings gnomes, and they told us all about monopolies, anti-trust exemptions and exclusive broadcast rights contracts.

Supporter: Extra Innings gnomes?

Kyle: Monopolies, anti-trust exemptions and exclusive broadcast rights contracts are good!

Supporter: What?

Supporter 2: What’s this?

Supporter 3: Good? [the Lady Member is cross]

Kyle: Because without monopolies, anti-trust exemptions and exclusive broadcast rights contracts, we wouldn’t have things like cars and computers and canned soup.

Stan: Even Extra Innings started off as a small, little business. But because it gave us so much great baseball, and because MLB ran their business so well, they managed to grow and grow until it became the corporate powerhouse it is today. And that is why we should all let Extra Innings go to DirecTV! [the crowd is stunned]

etc etc etc